What We Need, What We Want
by hillabilla
Summary: Jasper is trying to come to grips with his feelings for Henry.  Will he be able to handle it?  henry/jasper slash m/m   p.s. i'm sorry about the spacing, it got goofy in transit, but it's pretty easy to see when it changes while you're reading.


Jasper couldn't believe that he was sharing his room with his hammock-loving cousin. He'd never shared a room with anyone and it felt disjointed, awkward, all on its own. He glowered over at Henry who was swinging gently in the hammock, his legs crossed and his arms crooked at the elbow, his hands holding up an old book that rested on his lap. Henry, seemingly feeling Jasper's gaze, looked up and smiled at Jasper warmly. Jasper rolled his eyes and looked away. A moment later, he looked back and Henry was once again reading his book—a thin, dark binding with worn golden lettering.

"What are you reading?" Jasper asked.

Henry looked up brightly. "The Tao-te-Ching, by Lao Tzu. It explains how the Tao is with 81 short—"

"Listen, sorry I asked."

Henry shrugged and turned a page, his demeanor never changing. It apparently never did.

Jasper quickly scribbled notes in Mr. Hampton's biology class. His lectures tended to be fast-paced but full of information, so Jasper had to act quickly. The bell rang and Jasper kept writing, trying to finish the sentence.

"You take a lot of notes for someone who aces everything," came a voice. It was Maggie, packing her things into her bag two seats away from him.

"I just like to have the option," Jasper responded. He looked around. Henry was the only other person remaining.

Maggie nudged Jasper. "Lunch?"

"What?"

"You know, food? Wow, surprising you'd forget something like that."

"Yeah," Henry joined in. "I never knew someone who could take notes and daydream at the same time."

"Oh, really?" Maggie turned to him, a twinkle in her eye. "I thought that was what _you_ did… oh wait, you don't take notes."

"I remember what I have to."

Jasper watched Henry walk over and rest his hand lightly on Jasper's shoulder. His light eyes were sparkling. "Thai food today."

"I hate to say it for fear of sounding rude, but this Thai food isn't very good," Henry said, turning the synthetic Pad See Ew over on his fork.

"Agreed," Maggie and Jasper said in unison.

Jasper had been doodling on the napkin that he got with his lunch, and seeing how expressive Henry's face was at that moment, decided to draw him. He drew slowly, deliberately, to get each angle and curve correct.

"Is that Henry?" Maggie asked, leaning over.

"No, I…" Jasper put his hand over it. "It's no good."

"It's me? Can I see?" Henry asked, a smile gracing his face.

"It's sloppy…"

"Please?"

Jasper couldn't say no to such a polite request. He lifted the napkin and passed it across the table. When Henry looked at it, his eyes seemed to explode with light.

"Jasper, it looks great. You're quite an artist. You made me look magnificent."

"You gave me that with which I could work," Jasper responded. He then blushed slightly, because he realized how that must have sounded. A quick glance at Maggie showed it _had_ come out wrong. He quickly continued, "I was just bored, it's nothing." He said this strongly, and Maggie raised an eyebrow and looked away.

"If you think it's so bad, which it isn't, can I keep it?" Henry looked up brightly.

Jasper shrugged. "Sure, okay, whatever." But inside, he was very flattered.

Ms. Higgins' math class was boring; she had distributed a pop quiz and Jasper had already finished it, knowing he'd aced it. He pulled out his notebook and started sketching again. He drew a bird with googley eyes sticking its head out of a pie, and then a seahorse… and then Henry again, from memory, to see if he could do it.

"Are you drawing Henry _again_?" Maggie whispered to him from across the aisle.

Jasper blushed so hard he could feel it creeping up his arms and chest. "Yeah, so what?"

Maggie face gave off a mix of concern and confusion. "Why?"

Jasper thought quickly. "It's for my art project. I'm drawing my friends and some of our adventures into a graphic novel." Great, now he actually had to do that. Well, at least he had a project idea he could turn in.

Maggie looked oddly relieved. "Oh. Have you drawn any of me?"

"Not yet."

"Okay."

"Hey Maggs," he whispered across the aisle.

"Yeah?"

"What did you think I was doing?"

"Oh," she blushed, "I… I thought you had a crush on him or something."

"What? No!" Jasper exclaimed a bit loudly.

"Mr. Bartlett!" Ms. Higgins called. "No talking until the class is done with the test."

Jasper slouched back in his chair and looked at the picture of Henry. His smile was stunning, even on paper. But no, they were cousins, Jasper liked girls, this couldn't happen.

What? Jasper couldn't believe he was actually thinking about it. He didn't want it to happen. Did he?

Jasper lay in his bed, trying to think clearly. Could Maggie have been right? Could he be falling for his own cousin? Oh God. Oh, that's bad. Jasper knew it was taboo to have relationships with people in your own family, and he hadn't thought that would ever be a problem. But he had to admit: Henry was gorgeous, and he was a teenage boy, and if he thought someone was stimulating that wasn't to be held against him. Was it? No. He wouldn't act on it. It wasn't that strong, and it wasn't unbearable. He'd just move on.

Henry came in wearing just a towel after his shower, and Jasper was certain the universe was trying to test him. Or just make him feel awful.

"Hey, Jasper, shower's free."

Jasper got up and grabbed the things he'd need for the shower. He looked up, and then his horrible blushing habit was back, because Henry was standing there, facing away from him, but the towel was gone. Henry was rifling through his trunk for clean clothes _completely naked_ and right in front of Jasper. He couldn't tear his eyes away. Henry had what he would truthfully call, and on a witness stand (if it came to it) admit, the perfect ass.

Henry turned suddenly, and Jasper turned away quickly, clearing his throat. He heard Henry slip into a pair of boxers, but it was too late—Jasper had seen everything.

"I'm getting my shower now," Jasper said quickly.

Henry was at the closet now, hanging something up, and in Jasper's line of sight again.

"Okay, Jasper, I'm going to bed. Talk to you in the morning." Henry walked over to Jasper while only wearing a pair of green boxers with eight balls all over them—a pair of _Jasper's_ boxers. Henry hugged him tightly, but briefly, before letting him go and turning back to his hammock. Jasper was stunned. He didn't even know how to approach the "don't wear my boxers" situation, so he decided to worry about it later and headed to the shower. After the shower, he curled up in bed, facing Henry, listening to him sigh in his sleep. Jasper couldn't look away and fell asleep like that, the soft sounds Henry made lulling him into slumber.

The next day was Saturday, and Jasper woke up to find he hadn't moved from his spot last night. He stretched and yawned and, seeing the hammock empty, headed downstairs for breakfast.

Henry was perched—not seated on—the stool by the counter, eating shredded wheat with what smelled like goat milk. When he saw Jasper, he smiled brightly at him and offered him a bite.

"No thanks, I'll just have a cereal bar," Jasper responded, sitting on the stool next to Henry.

Henry set down his bowl and sat properly on the stool and turned to face Jasper.

"You know, I heard you talking in your sleep last night."

Jasper turned to him. "Oh, yeah? Did I say anything incriminating?" He laughed, a little more nervously than he had intended.

Henry studied Jasper's face and shrugged. "I don't know about incriminating. You said my name." He continued watching Jasper closely.

"Okay?"

"I don't mean to be so forward, but do you have feelings for me?"

"Haha, good one. No."

Henry's face hadn't changed. "While in Bhutan, we learned how to read the twitches of someone's face to hear what they were truly saying."

Jasper felt that traitor of a blush again. "I'm not lying."

Henry cupped Jasper's cheek and turned his face toward him. "Jasper…"

Jasper jumped up and briskly made his way to the bathroom where he promptly slammed and locked the door. He slumped down against the door, and he felt hot tears making trails down his cheeks. He heard Henry come over to the door and knock.

"Jasper, come out of there."

"How about no?"

"It's not a big deal—"

"Are you kidding? Yes it is. But nothing's going to happen and you're going to forget all of your tricks you learned in Button and leave me alone."

"It's Bhutan… that's not the point. Jasper—"

"Go away!"

Jasper heard him slink away, and he let his head fall into his hands and he cried silently.

Later, after a walk, when he went to his room, Henry was nowhere to be seen, but soft bongo music came through the open window. Jasper went to his desk and checked his email before getting ready for bed. He heard rustling, and before he could get away, Henry was next to him, between him and the door, so he couldn't run away this time. He looked Jasper in the eye calmly, and he reached out and touched his arm. Jasper pulled away.

"Did you know that in many countries, cousins have relationships and it isn't thought of as taboo?" Henry asked.

"No, I didn't, but that doesn't mean that it's right in this situation. For one, you're a guy—"

"And what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. I'm not saying anything cruel here. But you're a guy and I like girls."

"That's true, but you like guys too… at least, one in particular."

"Can you just drop it?" Jasper said irritably up at Henry.

Henry leaned in and surprised Jasper to silence with a quick, soft kiss.

Jasper didn't move away, at first, but then quickly pulled back. "Henry, you know that—"

Henry leaned in and kissed Jasper again. Jasper felt his eyes slip shut, and then he kissed Henry back. He felt his eyes well up with tears, and he pulled away and stood.

"This can't happen."

"I think you're overreacting a bit."

"You would."

Jasper went to the bathroom and started a cold shower, hoping to put his suddenly out of control erection at bay. But he decided to warm it up and just take care of the problem. He stepped into the hot jetting water and put a hand against the wall, bracing himself as he quickly grabbed a hold of his member and pumped furiously. He gasped at the sensation, and as close as he was, he finished in just a few minutes. He showered and went to his room, immediately dressing and getting in bed.

Henry hadn't said anything since he had returned. Curious, he turned and saw Henry watching him, and quickly turned over again. A rustle, and then he felt his bed compress as Henry lay next to him. He didn't come to close, so Jasper turned and looked him in the eye. Henry still didn't say anything.

Jasper curled in slightly so that his head was against Henry's shoulder. He felt a few more tears make their way down his face. Henry kissed them away, and in the dusky evening, they fell asleep.

Jasper awoke on Sunday to Henry sitting at the desk, doing some homework. When he heard Jasper awaken, he stood. He met him halfway across the room, and before Jasper could say anything, Henry pulled him into a warm embrace and kissed him passionately. Jasper, quite surprised, began to return the kiss. Henry moved his hands along Jasper's back, under his shirt, along his hips.

Jasper pushed him away. He did so because he was scared, so scared for them. If someone found out, they would be separated, and he couldn't have that. Without a word, he headed to the bathroom, which had turned into his fortress of solitude over the weekend, and started a bath. He wasn't thinking straight. Everything in his head was blurry, and he was crying again. The water was hot, and he stepped in, turning off the tap. He lay in the hot water, crying. He saw one of his father's shavers on the edge of the sink. He took it and opened it and removed the razor from within. Crying, he pressed it against his wrist—

And the door smashed open. Henry was in the room and then in the bath, fully clothed. He pulled the razor away from Jasper, slightly cutting his finger but apparently not caring.

"Jasper what are you _thinking_—" he pulled the crying Jasper into his arms, and they held each other in the hot water, one dressed, one not, both crying. Jasper thought momentarily about how thankful he was that his father was at church.

"I don't know how to handle this," Jasper sobbed.

Henry rocked him in his arms. "Then you don't have to. After this, I'll back off, okay?"

"I don't want you to leave me."

"Jasper, I would never go anywhere. I'll just give you space so you can adjust and take in what happened, and then, maybe, we'll see, but let's make no assumptions right now." He was still rocking Jasper, and Jasper had to admit he felt better.

They got out shakily, Henry dripping all over the already flooded bathroom. They cleaned up, and Henry got a band-aid. They went back to the room and changed and sat and talked about everything. They tried to get back to how things had been.

When Mr. Bartlett came home, he called the two boys down.

"I have some news," he said.

"What is it, Uncle B?" Henry asked.

"This is difficult to say, but it turns out that my mother—your grandmother, Henry—adopted me, and I just found this out today. It's pretty stunning, and shocking. What I mean, boys, is that you aren't cousins after all. Now Henry, don't think for a second that this means I want you to leave. I've always treated you as family and that won't change."

Jasper couldn't believe it. "Are you alright, dad?"

"Yeah, it's a bit surprising, but that's all. A friend of ma's told me today at St. Luke's."

Jasper's jaw had fallen. He turned to Henry. They gave each other quite an incredulous look.

"Okay, I'll let you boys take this in. I'm going to order lunch. Thai food okay?"

"Yeah," the boys said, still looking at each other.

Mr. Bartlett went to the kitchen.

Henry spoke first. "We're not cousins."

"I guess not."

They were silent for a moment, before they stood and hugged each other.

_Mr. B. came back into the living room to ask if they wanted drinks with lunch and saw the boys hugging and crying. He was about to say that there was nothing to cry about when Henry pulled back for a moment and brought his lips to Jasper's. Mr. B. held his tongue and slipped back into the kitchen, embarrassed. He guessed he'd have to talk to the boys about that later, but went back to the phone and ordered, trying to put it behind him for now._

Jasper returned Henry's kiss enthusiastically.

Henry pulled away and smiled brightly at his ex-cousin and then took his hand and led him up to their room. When they got there and closed the door, Jasper pushed Henry against it and kissed him with everything he had. He kissed passionately and strongly, and Henry gave him all of it right back. They fell into each other's arms and Henry then pushed him back toward Jasper's bed. He pulled Jasper's shirt off quickly and proficiently and pushed Jasper on the bed, who fell and bounced slightly. Then Henry was on him, straddling him and grinding into him as he kissed Jasper's chest.

Jasper ran his fingers through Henry's hair and moaned. Henry moaned lightly in response and kissed lower. Jasper pulled him up and they kissed as they rubbed against one another, moaning into each other's mouths. The kiss was deep and all the stress and doubt and worry and suicidal thoughts from earlier melted away completely. There was nothing to fear. Liking a man to Jasper was tons better than liking your cousin, male or otherwise. He pulled Henry's shirt off and tossed it to the floor, and their bare chests rubbed together deliciously.

Jasper rolled over and pinned Henry beneath him. He lifted Henry's knees, and Henry wrapped them around Jasper's waist. Jasper ground hard into Henry's erection, moaning uncontrollably the whole time.

Then Henry put out a hand and began to untie his pants.

"Allow me," Jasper said, and slid Henry's pants off.

Underneath was a pair of Jasper's boxers.

"You know these are mine, right?" Jasper panted.

Henry gasped as Jasper put a hand on his member over the red material. "I know."

"Just making sure."

Jasper slid his hands along the waist band of the boxers and Henry lifted his hips to allow him to slip them down. Henry was completely hard already, and he had been well endowed by whatever creator made him. Jasper licked Henry all the way up the side of his member and then took it into his mouth quickly. Henry cried out, his voice soft but sexy.

After a minute, Henry went over the edge, coming into Jasper's mouth, who licked it all up greedily. Gasping, he sat up shakily and practically clawed at Jasper's pants. Henry slid them off quickly and laid Jasper flat on the mattress. He knelt between Jasper's legs and quickly took him into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks and moaning, which ran vibrations all over Jasper's body. Jasper felt himself getting closer and closer, and then, unexpectedly, Henry stuck a finger past the tight muscle of Jasper's entrance. That's all that he needed to go over the edge, and he came into Henry's mouth, and he drank it all up. After a moment, Jasper pulled Henry down into him and hugged him to his chest.

"That was amazing."

"Yeah," agreed Henry.

"You have saved me more than once today."

"I can't be without you, Jasper."

Jasper smiled. "I love you, Henry."

"I love you, too, Jasper."


End file.
